Discovery

I’m pretty sure all you bastards are tired of hearing about this crap, but admit it, the @ hand news is truly infectious. You cannot help but throw it out there b/c, as much as people hate the herpes-infested socialite prostitute, they still wanna know her dirty secrets & see all her skanky videos.

So w/ that in hand, I give you the Bastardly Theory on all this bullshit.

It’s actually very simple. So you’re probably wondering (if you’re not, then you’re probably in denial): Who the hell’s behind all this stuff?

THE BASTARDLY THEORY
I’m pretty sure if you have tons of money in the bank & have nothing better to do w/ your time, you can do the dirty research yourself, only to arrive at a shady web of business dealings linking back to none other than Paris Hilton. It’s the modern world’s equivalent of a massive media conspiracy with one dirty goal in mind: Keep Paris Hilton’s name, dirty snatch & wild, fairytale lifestyle in front of our eyes for the foreseeable future.

Resist if you can.

If you really think about it, this plan is truly ingenious b/c Paris Hilton Inc., through a secret alliance of dummy companies (think Enron but far more sluttier & skankier), has its hands on some sort of Internet tap, that once turned to the open position, spews out dirty photos, sex tapes, celebrity phone numbers, diary entries, etc, etc. In normal circumstances, the person involved wouldn’t have a career & would be forced to commit suicide (Kurt Cobain-style), BUT for someone who’s career is merely to stay in front of the cameras, the release of this type of junk into the media merely fans the raging flames of her media-whore career. It’s vicious in scope, I tell you.

So in conclusion, let’s do a final review:

1. Paris Hilton storage boxes were never purposely abandoned. Come on, now. That is the dumbest story ever. Paris has a legal team that earns more than the combined GDP of many African countries, so this type of stuff just doesn’t slip through the cracks. Plus, do you really think Paris manages her own bills—especially for stuff like storage fees?!
2. Paris Hilton secretly controls the new website that’s charging for access to her movies, photos, etc.
3. Paris Hilton controls what kind of stuff goes up for viewing on the site b/c the site has a MONTHLY FEE, meaning if you stick around, you’ll get to see a shit of stuff, but you have to stick around!
4. Paris Hilton is a dirty, conniving whore.

Now w/ all that in hand, check out some of the latest photos from her storage boxes>>>>